Since I graduated High School, I’ve been in a nutritional process, which I don’t even understand how it started. As soon as I graduated, I did a six-month exchange trip to Florence, Italy. As you might imagine, my diet consisted of gelato, pizza and pasta, so of course, when I came back home I was 6 kg heavier, feeling horrible and wanting to recover my usual weight and body. At this moment, I had no idea what “fitness” or a “healthy” lifestyle was, so I just went back to my normal eating habits, and the weight slowly started to go back to normal.
When I began my first semester at University, I still didn’t feel comfortable with my body. Here was when I met this girl that was into the fitness world when nobody else was, she followed all the fitness gurus in her Instagram account, and exercised regularly. We became “best friends”, spent almost every day together, so as time passed I adapted to her lifestyle and got into fitness, too. As a result, six months later I weighed 4 kg less, and I didn’t do it on purpose but it felt so good.
I was too skinny, looked pale and tired all the time, but all I saw was the body I had never imagined to have, and I didn’t want to change anything if it meant gaining weight. My mom was worried about me, I was fighting and angry with everyone all the time, my dad questioned my eating habits. If I went out for lunch or dinner, and the options were pizza, pasta, or anything I thought was “unhealthy”, I would feel so mad about it and I would rather stay home.
After a while, agreed to going to therapy with a psychologist that was specialized in eating disorders. It was almost a two-year process, but I understood food and exercise had become my obsessions, and started to release some control over them. In therapy, my psychologist always used this phrase: “If you give yourself what you like, after a short time you will not like it so much and you can give it up without effort or frustration.” It was not an easy process, and still isn’t, but at least I understood that the more I wanted to control what I ate, the less I would be able to be in control of my problem.
When I ended my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, my relationship with food, and with everything around me, changed. I started doing everything I hadn’t done in years, but after six months of partying, drinking, living my late adolescence, I had no balance at all. When I met my current boyfriend and started the most amazing relationship I have ever had, I felt I needed to start getting myself together, so I went to the gym regularly again, quit drinking (except on special occasions), and I started visiting a nutrition center, which I will talk about in another post, that helped me a lot in losing some weight.
My issue with weight didn’t disappear because through all this emotional and physical changes, I wasn’t comfortable with how I looked and felt. After following my nutritionist’s diet, then following a fitness diet a friend of mine gave me based on my objectives, having horrible binge eating episodes, and not seeing any results, I knew that I had to find a balanced way of eating that would not make me feel anxious and that would make me feel good about myself not only by achieving a physical goal.
Being an animal lover, I had always thought I could be a vegetarian because I don’t really enjoy beef or chicken, my protein diet was mostly based on fish and eggs, and I feel so much love and respect for every animal I see. Just before my decision, I got food poisoned with a tuna steak, and I didn’t want to eat any fish for a while. I was stuck with chicken, but I really didn’t like it either, and started feeling sick every time I had a piece. At this moment I thought, maybe this is a sign that I don’t need any animal protein, why don’t I give it a chance? I didn’t want to do anything crazy, so I started doing some research, watching documentaries and talking to vegetarians, and in this process I stumbled upon a book called “The China Study” by T. Colin Campbell. Through all this information, I decided that this kind of diet could be the one I was looking for. It will not only benefit my health, it can also help the planet, make me feel good about myself because I’m not eating animals, and in the end my body will get all the nutrients that it needs from all the right sources, which, with the proper guidance, will give me the balance that for so long I have been looking for.
I’m just starting this process, but I already feel better about myself, feel more energetic, my skin is so bright, I feel good about what I eat without tracking anything, and even if this way of eating doesn’t bring me any weight loss, I won’t feel frustrated. I’m understanding that the purpose of living and eating should not be achieving a physical goal, but to eat consciously to nourish our bodies and our souls, by getting the nutrients from natural sources that will translate into a better energy within our bodies, and this eventually will lead to a better self image, which of course makes us feel better and therefore others will perceive it.
In the end, I think that this is why I created Grumbling Bellies. It’s not only a way of sharing my journey, but also a way of keeping me motivated and good about what I’m doing. I hope I can show you my transition process through this blog, and that it will help people that are in the same process or feel attracted to this lifestyle but don’t know how to start.
Love and good vibes for all of you! Thanks for reading!